We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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