Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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