i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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