The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
