i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
why do cheetos always look like penises
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
