I will die if light touches me.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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