Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
