um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
