There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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