If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize