Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
