dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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