I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
