Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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