I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
