he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
