were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
