I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can I color on your dick again?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
