Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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