i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
