i wish my penis had a tongue
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
