Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize