Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
