i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
