No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
