omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
