last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I love how my cats smell like pot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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