Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
