I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
