I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
