fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
