now i know why i became what i already was.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
