dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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