I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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