I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
