I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
