so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
