I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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