everyone is single if you try hard enough
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
