Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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