I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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