She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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