so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
