Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
