Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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