I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my poor anus
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
