chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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