What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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