I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize