I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
