It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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