why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
