Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's the barista slut.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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