So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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