You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
