You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
