My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize