I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
