So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The air was thick with penises
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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