and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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