how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
