I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he shaved USA in his pubs
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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