my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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