Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Pooping to opera.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
