I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
