You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
