after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
