Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
