Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
