Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
