half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
